The Happiness Project

Happiness.

That sometimes-seemingly-unattainable intangible feeling-phenomenon-state of mind that we so strive for.

In the recent weeks...months...years?... happiness has more often than not eluded me. True, I frequently partake in situational happiness... it makes me happy to chat on the phone with my best friend in England, or to get a package in the mail. A rainstorm and the perfect cup of coffee give me a gorgeous feeling of momentary bliss...that rapidly fades when the last drop of coffee is drunk and the last drop of rain hits the sidewalk. 

There are directions I could point to in blame of my general not-happiness. (I won't say unhappy, because for the most part I don't feel unhappy... just not happy.) It could be my lack of achievement of my life goals, my lack of money, my geographical location, the tumultuous times in my relationship, the fact that I'm not the most successful writer-photographer in the world. I could just spin in a circle and blame whatever my finger lands on.

A month ago, I lost my job as an administrative assistant... a job which made me happy in the beginning but grew tedious and even depressing as time marched on. It led to a discovery about myself, however... I am not the kind of person who can be happy sitting at a desk staring at a computer screen for 6 hours a day. So when my unhappiness became too powerful to hide from my boss, she claimed my "attitude problem" was her reason for letting me go. This came as a great relief, as for weeks I had contemplated quitting. Getting fired was bad for my ego but great for my state of mind... at least in the long run. The resulting worry over money (which is a constant worry, now just amplified) was enormous and took away some of the happiness which resulted from my not having to go to a place I hated on a daily basis.

So, my Dad, noticing my general malaise, gifted me with a book called The Happiness Project. In short, it is the story of one woman's quest to make herself happier by making small changes to her life. She realized that she couldn't change anyone else... the views and actions of her husband, children, and citizens of the world were all out of her hands. The only person she could change was herself.

This is a difficult task for me... focusing on my own changes. Do I have the daily urge to nag my boyfriend to look for work because his job pays him next to nothing? Absolutely. But I can't influence his reluctance or laziness or whatever it is that makes him opt for watching CourtTV on his days off rather than job hunting. I can only stop nagging and work harder myself. 

I also have come to realize that I am at my best when I'm around people. This sentiment has been reflected back to me by my family, and in a conversation with my Dad, I remembered working at Starbucks (one of my many jobs). I was always positive... happy to be working with people my age, moving around all day, and putting coffee in people's hands and smiles on their faces. So, I applied to, interviewed for, and began a job at Starbucks. Monday was my first day. Today, my second day, my manager told me that I was "practically running the floor my myself" and that I did a "fantastic job." Now, I'm sure some of this stemmed from the fact that he is not used to people being mostly self-sufficient on their second day, and because I have the experience I have a little more insight into the needs than a new hire. But still... it's nice to be told when you do something well... Happiness.

Of course, after a day full of positivity and action, my boyfriend comes home and wants to watch TV all night. When I ask him to "do something" with me it leads to a tussle, and I end up reaching my boiling point and tell him to sleep on the couch tonight... to which he replies, "I am not sleeping on the couch." Now, I could push him out of bed when he gets in tonight. But I can only change myself. I have resolved that I will sleep on the couch if I don't want to share the bed with him. 

Back to the Happiness Project. In one part of the book, the author, Gretchen Rubin, quotes William Butler Yeats: "Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing or that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing." This resonates strongly with me. I think I have been the least happy since I graduated from college. Why? Because before that I was always learning, always growing. Now I have nothing to work for (except right now to find a second job). I am learning nothing. I am not challenging myself or making any part of myself or my life better. So, I need my own happiness project, centered around goals. Writing them here is dangerous, as I am notorious for failing at my own goals, but let's try again. And I'm starting small... manageable. If I jump in like I usually do, I panic at the Holy-crap-I'm-drowning sensation and quit.

1. Exercise more. This is working toward a goal, and a goal weight. Although, in The Happiness Project, Rubin says, "Don't link exercise for weight loss: Exercise for sanity not vanity." So, I will exercise in the hopes that my endorphins will drown the gremlins plaguing my thoughts.

2. Take responsibility for myself and only myself. I can't change someone else, only make myself into a person I don't like by trying.

3. Act the way I want to feel. By smiling and even pretending I'm happier, I'll trick myself into a habit of being happy. 

4. And perhaps most important, focus on making other people happy. I am perfectly positioned for this as the most awesome new barista at Starbucks. I will cheer as many people as possible from the time I get behind that counter to the time I walk out the door. By putting a smile on other people's faces, how could I not put one on mine?

Let's give this a shot, shall we?