Interesting writerly experience today, thought I'd share it with you.
I've been very diligent about writing every day for the past several days... I haven't even had to force it. Between my poetry, short stories, and flash pieces, I'm working on so many projects that I can pretty much find something to work on no matter what mood I'm in.
The other night, I was driving with Boyfriend and we hit a possum in the middle of the road... total bummer. (On the other hand, that's life.) Last night I had a discussion with someone about it that led, in my labyrinth of a brain, to a story, which I wrote this morning.
I'm not going to detail the story, but the general idea is that this young woman runs over an animal and the experience really affects her, not only because of the nature of it, but because it mirrors something going on in her life.
After I wrote it I had two of my sisters and Boyfriend read it. Everyone's reactions were very strong, both about the content and the writing... the feedback was all positive, though, and I'm okay with my stories having a strong emotional impact... in fact, I prefer it that way (in most cases).
When my dad and his girlfriend read it though, their reactions were completely different. Both were very disturbed by it. So disturbed, in fact, that my dad's girlfriend started asking how I can think those things and put them to paper, drawing a parallel between me and Stephen King ("To think all those things, he must be sick"). Of course I don't think she was trying to offend me, and I didn't take any offense at all, but she was essentially wondering out loud if I was crazy.
This got me to thinking... am I?
I can write about some pretty serious, depressing, morbid, and in this case, graphically upsetting things and not be emotionally affected by them. What does this say about me? Do I have a higher threshold for the sad parts of life given what I've been through in my own? Does my identity as a writer put emotional distance between me and my subject matter so that it instead becomes a more technical experience? (For example, a gynocologist doesn't get aroused by every woman he examines because it is technical for him, but he probably still gets turned on by his wife, right?)
Or, am I, in fact, crazy?
Sylvia Plath said, "Everything in life is writable about if you have the outgoing guts to do it, and the imagination to improvise. The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt." Well, I guess it takes guts to write about some of the things I do. Granted, she ended up killing herself by sticking her head in the oven... probably not the sanest example.
Another writer- French, and a little more obscure that Plath- named Jules Renard said, "The story I am writing exists, written in absolutely perfect fashion, some place, in the air. All I must do is find it, and copy it." And you know what? This is completely true. I don't sit around all day with thoughts of suicide, murder, psychological disorders, and roadkill, yet all of these themes have appeared in my writing. I cannot tell you where these ideas come from... they just happen. In less than a flicker, I get an idea, put it to paper, and, Boom! There's the story. I don't consider myself a storyteller, I consider myself a writer. My art is in the writing of stories that are already out there. Even if you think my stories are boring, disturbing, or just plain crap, as long as you think I wrote it well, my job is done. (Well, not done if I want to make any money in the business, but you know what I mean.
Even now, having written this story, able to think about it without the technical aspects, it still doesn't seem so bad to me. Sure, I see what people can see in it, my father and his girlfriend specifically, but to me it's just another story.
Is it only because I'm a writer that I can understand that the subject/character/plot etc. is not commensurate with the author him/herself? I know that when I read a story, poem, or otherwise, the character- even when written in first person- is not necessarily the mirror image, alter-ego, or even reflection of the writer.
And hey, I do write some funny stuff too...
No comments:
Post a Comment