In all the reading, planning, and dreaming I did before embarking on this Irish journey, I never thought that I would be unhappy here. Life is full of the unexpected, though, and some of my days have been filled with a sadness that leaves tears running down my face and my shoulders shaking with sobs. Unquestionably, the good days have outweighed the bad, and these moments of sadness seem to surface when I let fear and uncertainty penetrate my mind until I begin to think they're bad things, when in reality, they're the whole reason I'm here; to prove to myself that I can be afraid and keep on going; that I can face uncertainty and let it fill me with a freedom I've never known before.
A number of people have called me brave. I wanted to trade places with them and see what they see, because I don't understand where they get this vision of me. Now, though, I'm beginning to think that it did take a certain bravery to do this.
As Helen Keller said, "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable."
So here's where my bravery took me today.
I ventured out into Cork City with my camera... not as pretty as Dublin, but it has moments. For instance, I got lost today (I've tried to make a habit of getting lost at least once every day... this is how you find things.) and stumbles upon a garden of angels. Literally. In a beautiful (if just a little bit muddy) courtyard in Cork City center stood about twenty or thirty angel statues, all painted in different patterns, colors, and designs. Each angel was painted for/by a different charity, most of them medical, I think. Pictures follow. It reminded me that I'm traveling with angels. *
After the angel garden I walked all the way across Cork City (a long walk, most people take buses there) to St. Finbarre's Cathedral. Even more beautiful than St. Patrick's from the outside (the inside was much less inspiring). The details in the architecture were stunning.
After I walked back across the city I was still feeling sorry for myself, though, so went up to my room to read and ended up falling asleep for a bit. I came downstairs and called my Dad, then, and he basically told me to get my ass in gear. "Put your feet in motion, and your emotions will follow." So I went out again, sat in a pub called the Shelbourne by the fire (as per Dad's instructions) and sat drinking a cup of coffee and listening to the other people in the bar.
I wasn't very cheered, though, and came back to the hostel and had a chat with my sister who told me about her yoga class last night. This got me really in the mood to do yoga, and I went online, found a studio two blocks from my hostel with a class beginning in twenty minutes, and hustled over there. It was amazing to do yoga again, although I held one pose too long and pulled a muscle in my back... it hurts to move now... but it was worth it to get out and do something. After the class I talked to the instructor for a few minutes, a kind, very peaceful young Irish woman (yoga instructions sound better with an Irish accent, by the way) who, when I asked her where to pay, told me it was "an Irish present" since I'm only in town for a few days. A perfect end to the day.
Tomorrow's plan: Blarney Castle and kissing the Blarney Stone.
Tomorrow's goal: remember to breathe through, stay in the moment, be connected to my body and the universe, and remind myself that I can do this.
Many thanks to all of you who've told me this, as well. All your words of encouragement have made a great deal of difference.
Enjoy today's photos!
Namaste.
Outside the Angel Garden
"We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars."
My favorite.
St. Finbarre's Cathedral. So pretty.
Inside.
Until tomorrow, darlings.
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