On Snow and Solitude

No post yesterday, and I'm afraid it'll be a short one today, as I am still slowly adjusting to the time difference. I woke up this morning at 4:30 and, as it was really 9:30 for me, I couldn't go back to sleep. It's been a lovely white day today, the snow's been falling steadily, making the world seem just a little bit quieter, though that sense of peace subsides a little bit when you see cars driving through muddy slush puddles. Though I didn't miss the snow when I was in Ireland, given the fact that I really have nothing to do and nowhere to go for the near future, I can just look out my window onto the snow-covered world and feel warm and cozy in my own house.

 

 

I am definitely missing Ireland, Dublin especially. I am so happy that I went on this trip, no matter how terrifying and lonely it was at times. These times were not the majority, and everything I saw and experienced now makes up the person that I am. I have this amazing sense of accomplishment, and coming home to a clean slate is a very freeing thing. I can make a million little choices now about how I want my life to be, and I can construct a life that makes me happy.

I have so much appreciation for where my life is right now, despite the fact that I don't know where my next paycheck is coming from. Amazingly, that is really alright with me. For me, Ireland was a way of proving to myself that I can do what I choose to do, no matter how many people don't believe I really will.

It also showed me that I can be alone. Being alone is a scary thing, and it is a necessary one. Some days in Ireland, I'd go to the grocery store, and when I thanked the cashier I'd realize that I hadn't actually spoken all day. It was very strange, coming from a place where my cell phone beeps at me throughout the day and people are full of a million things to say with no real significance.

All this self-reflection probably seems very jumbled and convoluted... blame the jetlag. Hopefully I'll be more sorted out tomorrow.